So if you want to really get your partner to change then you will have to manipulate possibly life, conceivably deceive them (not out right lying if you just let them believe what you want, even if its not true). Yes, these are all good tactics for changing your spouse. They are also excellent way of destroying your relationship. Let's assume best case scenario and that your... less than ethical behavior is never found out by your partner, what could happen..
Will you resent them later in life for "making: you resort to those terrible tactics of being their "parent"? Will you think to yourself something like "nothing has changed he or she is just doing it to make me happy" (because your a pain in the neck and hard to live with)? Maybe you can live with a well trained spouse on the head, and saying "good spouse, yes your a good spouse, want treat? Who wants a treat!" be taking things a bit far?
If you really want to love and respect your spouse and do not want to risk losing their love and respect for you, and you really do need something to change, what you should do is inform them of your thoughts and feelings. Connect with them on this level with their own thoughts and feelings. Invite them to do as you want in the most loving way possible and be prepared to negotiate. Then the hard part starts. Watch, hope, trust, and where applicable teach by example.
David Linares, LMHC